Some context, from 10 years later:

I don't normally prefix my very old and imported blog posts like this (I quite like them to stand alone as an artifact of my past) but I find this review I wrote particulaly hard to read! I know my sense of pacing has had a chance to improve specifically because of writing a lot while I was younger, but I feel like my disgust for this film brings a new layer of difficulty to reading this! Good luckโ€ฆ

Oh, and I'd warn you of spoilers ahead, but you'll be more spoiled if you do watch this film.

John McClane, a man who puts his job as a policeman above all else, is quickly brought to realise that he missing out on the finer things in life. Just as this sinks in, he discovers he is alone, caught behind enemy lines in an unlikely situation where his unique blend of don't-give-a-shit and in-your-face arrogance can aggravate "the baddie" to the point where they sideline their original plot in order to stop him instead.

In doing this, he buys enough time for: the baddies to thin themselves out (and be picked off), the reinforcements to arrive, and his ex-wife/partner/family member to appreciate his passion for his job. Cue credits: the baddies are foiled, family is closer; "Yippee-ki-yay mo fo".

This is the plot of Die Hard, Die Hard 2: Die Harder, Die Hard: With A Vengence and Live Free or Die Hard. It works. It's not complicatedโ€”it doesn't need to beโ€”it's a Die Hard film.

My general point is: It is not a Good Day to Die Hard. One or two people do die, but not particularly hard. There is no 'behind enemy lines', there's little quick talking attitude to get our protagonists out of trouble (there's little talking at all), there isn't really a baddie to speak of, there's no plot (which the baddies are tying to complete; there's also no plot to the film), there's no "good man trying to do right by his own morals", there are no reinforcements, and in general there is no tension. The film starts with an extended action sequence which finishes an hour an half later, having given Bruce Willis enough time to catch his breath and say enough to allow him to call it a "speaking role". The clincher? (if one was needed) We do not watch Die Hard films for cerebral engagement, we watch for simple, enjoyable action with enough predictable moments for the secondary characters to shake their heads at each other, chuckle, and say "That John McClane, always getting into trouble." - this film misses that by such a margin as to be completely unfollowable, forgettable and, frankly, irritating. The words "Yippee-ki-yay" don't even pass Bruce's lips.

Do not waste your time with the so-called "5th" Die Hard film. It never existed.